Two words.
Do you say them often?
Do you receive them well?
Do they make a difference?
Let’s begin with the first question. My answer is “Yes, I do and I hope you do too.” Why do I want you to say them often? Because it means that your days, your life are filled with things for which you are thankful and you appreciate them. William Ward said:
“Feeling Gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
The answer to the second question, for many people, will be “No, I do not.” How many times have you thanked someone only to have them say “oh, that’s okay; it was nothing.” Gee, how does that make you feel? Embarrassed? Wishing you hadn’t said anything?
Folks, when you say “oh, that’s okay; it was nothing” you are making less of both yourself and the person who is thanking you. Instead of having that awkwardness set in that invariably follows that response, why not give a response that will make both of you feel better?
What if instead you said,
“You’re so welcome; I’m glad I could do it for you/help you with that.”
Both of you will feel good from that exchange.
Or, what if instead you acknowledged the thank you while creating a reciprocal bond?
“You’re so welcome; I know you’d do the same for me.”
Or, “happy do it because I know you’d do the same for me if our positions were reversed.”
Again, both parties feel good.
The answer to the third question is a resounding YES! No matter who we are or what we do, all of us want to be appreciated, acknowledged and thanked.
Study after study shows that recognition and appreciation are more important to people than the amount of money they are paid. Companies that value their employees have a much lower turnover rate than companies who do not. Thriving businesses have been built by thanking and acknowledging people; the motivation to keep going “when the going gets tough” was that the people knew their efforts would be appreciated.
Looking at the flip side, how do you feel when you do something for someone and you are neither thanked nor your actions appreciated? If you are like most people, you will think a little bit less of the person who did not thank you; you will be a little bit less inclined to do something for them in the future. And, quite possibly, you will feel resentful. While you are not doing the action for the “thank you,” you do know when thanking you would be the norm.
According to leading expert and best selling author Robert Cialdini, Reciprocity is one of the 6 Universal Principles of Social Influence.
So, folks, if someone thanks you for something, reciprocate by appreciating their thanks with a few words of acknowledgment rather than dismissing it.
How did you answer the three questions above?
Do you have any stories you would like to share about thanking or being thanked?
In closing, my friends, know that I appreciate you. Thank you for enriching my life with you wit, wisdom, humor, thoughtfulness and consistent support.
P.S. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. How many of those seconds do you use each day to thank someone?
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janet@janetcallaway.com
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You got me there! I was trained to say- it was nothing. And, that has been my reply for nigh 6 decades…
I’ll have to find a replacement.
Thanks, Janet
Thx, Roy. While no doubt it will take a while to retrain yourself, when you do I’ll bet you will be pleased. Roy, when you come up with the phrase that works best for you, please do let me know. Until later, my friend, aloha. Janet
A simple Thank You can go a long way..
“Black Seo Guy “Signing Off”
Right you are, Traffic. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. Aloha. Janet
I’m with you on that one. I like to thank people for things, even just giving me a little extra space on the bus…letting me through in the traffic, helping me pack my stuff at the supermarket. They are two quick and simple easy words to say them, yet in this fast paced society we don’t seam to say them enough. A little thank you can make some ones day, change the tone of yours..and let the universe no you remain in ‘an attitude of gratitude’. Thank YOU..Janet…and Aloha from Bali my friend. Have a wonderful weekend
Stacey, aloha. Good to see you here with your jaunty red chapeau Just seeing your picture always makes me smile. You’re right, Stacey, those two little words go a long way in the madcap world we inhabit. Absolutely, Stacey, we want the universe to know we are in an “attitude of gratitude.” We all have so much for which to be thankful.
When you made your comment on the blog the other day, I wondered where you lived now. A new friend just recently moved from Bali to Hawaii because her children are going to school here. Small world.
How’s your new project coming along? Best wishes for a glorious weekend. Until next time, aloha. Janet
Janet, I swear you are reading my mind! Or maybe we just share a mind. I am planning to write my next blog entry on gratitude- one of my favorite topics!
Gratitude isn’t just for me to feel, I get so much more out of it when I share it with others, too. Saying “thank you” is essential, especially when I can elaborate and connect with someone else in my thanks.
I am grateful for you and your inspiration and wisdom! You remind me of the type of person I choose to be.
Chrysta
Chrysta, aloha. Of course we share a mind–universal consciousness!
Chrysta, gratitude is one of my very favorite topics so I look forward to reading your post. With your passion for appreciation, I know I will be moved and inspired.
Thank you so much for the beautiful compliment, Chrysta; you absolutely made my day–as you so often do.
Until I read your terrific post on Gratitude, aloha. Janet
Hi Janet,
I had to stop for a moment by the question #2 “Do you receive them well?”, my answer is short: nope, not really.
- “oh, that’s okay; it was nothing” you are making less of both yourself and the person who is thanking you. – that might be truth but it’s not intentional.
In my case it’s more of “I feel embarrassed/uncomfortable because someone thanked me for something – in my opinion – it was right to do”. I think it’s more of cultural differences, but I try to learn to simply say “It’s my pleasure/you’re are very welcome”
…so thank you Janet for bringing that subject.
Klaudia, aloha. You are not alone; many people fee embarrassed or uncomfortable when thanked. Your response is perfect so do not think anything further about it.
Klaudia, you are most welcome. It’s my pleasure to share with you. Until next time, aloha. Janet
Hi, Janet.
I am so with you on that “it was nothing” line. Instead of being happy that they acknowledged your gratitude, it just makes you feel bad that you said anything in the first place, right? That’s why I prefer to say “it has been a pleasure” or “glad to have made you smile” because they sound more positive. But, I love your suggestions above, I’m going to use them soon.
I’m so sorry about not stopping by often, Janet. I’ve been through a lot lately.
Hope you are doing well.
Kim, aloha. Right you are. Your responses are right because they make both parties feel good.
KIm, I have missed your smiling face around the blogosphere and twitter. Quite honestly, I thought you were enjoying the beach aspect of the 30 day challenge. Hopefully you did not eat the Shellfish Extravaganza Platter and have an allergic reaction. Kim, so sorry to hear that things have not been as ideal as possible. Do send me a facebook message or we can talk LIVE; I’m here for you.
Thx so much for stopping by, Kim. Know that I look forward to seeing you again soon. Until then, take good care, aloha. Janet
Aloha, Janet.
First, YES, yes and YES!
You said it, and it does hurt. It hurts when you try to say thank you to someone and they wont let you. (yes it does) It also hurts (and stays) when you are not thanked, thought of, recognized, appreciated.
(Just in case) I want YOU to know, I value our budding friendship (this is how I think of you and your guidance), every thing, even saying “Aloha” in the mornings, SEE-ing me, for every minute you have spent thinking of that crazy chick in Alaska, Thank you. Thank you, most of all, just for being who you are. Always. ~Amber-Lee
Amber-Lee, aloha. Well, I don’t whether to start by thanking you for what you bring to my life or acknowledging your kind words. Actually, since they are intertwined, I will leave them that way. Amber-Lee, the thought and feeling are so appreciated; it is such a delight getting to know you. Since you make me smile and feel good, I am so glad to know that I do the same for you. Tell, you what, Amber-Lee; I’ll make you a deal. If you keep being that crazy, adventurous, kind hearted lady in pink chaps, I’ll keep being me. Is that a deal?
Loved your answers to the question though it would have been nice had your second YES been of equal size to the first and third. In your business, I am sure you observe Thank Yous and the reaction thereto quite often.
Are you home for a while or are you getting ready to head out again? Did your son ever look at any of the videos from Khan?
Thx so much for stopping by and commenting with such enthusiasm. Until next time, aloha. Janet
Janet,
Ahhh…these two words say so much, especially when said with real sincerity.
Interestingly, I was observing my children at dinner tonight – and it was a joy to hear the words “thank you” more than once.
I know that I have personally not always received these two words so well – although I’m much better at it today than I was a few years ago. (a journey in the right direction!)
Thank YOU, Janet, for all that you share here, and for creating a space for community to grow and learn…
Lance, aloha. Your ending sentence made my heart sing because I do want this blog to be a community where people learn from my posts and the inspired comments of readers. Lance, thank you for letting me know you find the value here.
Out of curiosity, Lance, do you remember what caused you to start changing the way you accept Thank Yous?
As a dad, how wonderful it must have been to hear “Thank You” said automatically, without prompting. What that means, of course, is that they are seeing and following the example set for them. Congratulations.
Lance, thx so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts on this topic. Thx too for that little glimpse of your family. Until I see you at the Jungle of Life, aloha. Janet
P.S. A friend of mine just published this post and I thought you would appreciate learning about Tip #1. What a great exercise to do with your children. Look forward to hearing yoru thoughts.
http://www.liveandlovework.com/2011/08/05/get-gratitude-3-simple-steps-for-living/
Janet,
I don’t remember if there was one specific “ah-ha” moment where I decided that accepting thank you’s was a better approach. I guess it has perhaps just developed over time…
And – just read Chrysta’s post – and LOVED it!! I really think the idea of using the alphabet to come up with a gratitude list is great – and something we can easily do – especially when we’re on longer car rides (and instead of thinking “are we there yet”, it can be “I am grateful for…”…
Lance, aloha. So glad you liked that idea as well. You’re right; it’s perfect for a long car ride.
Best wishes for a terrific weekend. Until later, aloha. Janet
Thank you Janet, for a very timely reminder!
There’s no giving without receiving- the 2 go hand in hand.
You’re so right- to say, “No big deal” is to really say “it’s no big deal”, which completely diminishes both the act, and the receiving of the act.
Thank you for always making me think and for little “nudges” to do things I know I should be doing anyways
Make it a great day, and as you always do…
Elevate Everything!
‘Doc Seth’
~husband, dad, elevator~
Seth, aloha. You’re right, Seth; the two do go hand in hand.
Why it is so many of us are uncomfortable receiving Thank Yous, I am not sure. No doubt the reasons are as varied as the number of people.
So glad you enjoyed the post. Best wishes for a magnificent weekend. Aloha. Janet
P.S. Seth, since you have little ones, I think you will truly appreciate #1 in the post a friend of mine just published.
http://www.liveandlovework.com/2011/08/05/get-gratitude-3-simple-steps-for-living/
Aloha Janet.
Love this post.
Most people don’t get their heads wrapped around the power of gratitude. It works always, just like the power of ingratitude.
I say these words often and I love being thanked, of course.
It’s about giving and receiving, those who play down a compliment or expressed gratitude are bad receivers, are they not ? Aren’t they working against universal forces ?
I don’t know, I’m just thinking.
In fact, giving and recieving are equally important. Giving would be pointless if there were no receivers. Givers would be “jobless”.
So the universe needs both of them and we can and should be both.
Real gratitude definitely makes a difference.
Thanks for sharing your insights.
Aloha
Oliver
Oliver, aloha. So glad you loved this post; that makes me feel good.
So appreciate your comment “most people don’t get their heads wrapped around the power of gratitude.” It’s interesting, Oliver, on the whole I don’t think most of us were taught to appreciate and the power of that gratitude. How or why that basic oh-so-important concept is not taught, is beyond me.
Oliver, I absolutely agree that those who do not receive well are working against the universe. What’s sad and ironic, Oliver, is that they probably think they are being humble or don’t want the person who “gives” the compliment/thank you to feel indebted. As you say, giving and receiving is a two way street.
Personally, I absolutely love it when I thank someone and they gave me back a genuine “you’re most welcome” or “happy to do it” type response. Guaranteed, we both feel better for the experience.
Best wishes to you, my friend for a magnificent weekend. Until next time, aloha. Janet
P.S. So enjoyed Anke’s post; that happens to be one of my favorite topics.
Oliver, aloha. Another one of my friends wrote a post on gratitude. In it, she put a challenge that I think would be excellent for all us and especially for teaching children about gratitude. Look forward to hearing your thoughts:
http://www.liveandlovework.com/2011/08/05/get-gratitude-3-simple-steps-for-living/
Janet aloha. No surprises that gratitude is also one of my favorite topics. I have kept a gratitude journal for close on 15 years and do what I call a gratitude walk every day too.
Janet I do say thank you often. I believe you can never say, think or feel enough ‘thank yous’, especially if you want to experience abundance in your life. That’s where the difference comes in.
I also always notice when others thank me and when they don’t!
I was raised in a home where saying thank you at every opportunity was not only encouraged but considered compulsory good manners.
I can’t help but notice when people don’t thank others and also when they can’t receive gratitude either. It is so foreign to me but then again what others do or don’t do is none of my business. I am happy that I observe gratitude as I do.
Thank you Janet for raising one of the most important topics in the world and for letting me share my views here.
~Marcus
Marcus, aloha. You’re right, Marcus, it is no surprise that gratitude is one of your favorite topics. Your passion for it shines through in your posts and comments. Like you, Marcus, I keep a gratitude journal in which I write every night. Recently I started something new which I quite like. If something happens during the day, I quickly jot it down in my daily notebook rather than wait for my evening writing. What I find is that it gives my appreciation an extra surge.
Marcus, the good feelings, vibrations that are experienced with true reciprocity in a Thank You are fantastic–sometimes you can even bask in them.
It is wonderful, isn’t it, Marcus, when you truly “get” that what others do is none of your business? Now that I “get it,” life is so much easier than when I was “busy” running the world and everyone with whom I came in contact. What was I thinking?!
Wishing you a weekend of joy, beauty, light, love and laughter. Until next week, aloha. Janet
Marcus, aloha. A friend of mine just posted on Gratitude. In her post, she gives you a challenge that you will absolutely love. It will be so much fun to do; what a terrific tool it would be for teaching children about gratitude. Look forward to hearing your thoughts:
http://www.liveandlovework.com/2011/08/05/get-gratitude-3-simple-steps-for-living/
Janet aloha. I’ll respond to both of your replies here.
I love the notebook idea Janet so may just have to borrow that from you. Thank you!!
Yes, yes, yes… so agree with you Janet on the huge relief that comes with letting others get on with their lives. I also used to do what you did Janet.
Probably like you, I so wanted to help others and thought I was, but we do best to teach by example only. It’s not only a lot less work for us but a far more effective teaching practice.
Thank you too for letting me know about Chrysta’s post Janet. I’ve been over there and what a delight!!
Another point that came to mind after I had finished my original comment here and which I have now also shared at Chrysta’s post is this:
When I first started practicing gratitude seriously I never used to consider being thankful for anything or anyone that did not appear to be thank-worthy to me.
So if someone came into my life and caused me suffering for instance I would never have thought to be thankful for them.
As I grew personally and came to realize that absolutely everything and everyone comes into our lives to teach us something, so it became my practice to say thank you for what often appeared to be very negative on the surface.
It is astounding how transforming this practice is when it comes to forgiveness and compassion.
Even if we are not sure what the lesson is yet, say “thank you” and it not only hastens the lesson but puts an end to any resentment and need for delayed forgiveness since being thankful immediately is one and the same as forgiveness.
Thank you Janet for your inspiring posts and responses to my comments. It is always a pleasure!
Hope you are having the best weekend ever!
~Marcus
Ok… so I ran into the opposite problem. I used to say thank you too much! Imagine.. if someone thanks you for every little thing you did… after awhile, it doesn’t mean much.
So… I really worked hard at finding that right balance. I may be extremely grateful, but I don’t want to smother you with it. lol.
So, Laurinda, my question to you is “how well do you receive Thank Yous?”
Balance is key in everything we do, is it not?
Thanks for much for stopping by and sharing your experience. No doubt about it, Laurinda, you are an original!
How well so I receive thank yous? I think generally well, except in certain cases… I get embarrassed. Especially if they are thanking me for something very personal. Sigh. So much to work on.
Laurinda, aloha. With what you have gone through, no doubt about it, you’re doing great!
Best wishes for a terrific week. Aloha. Janet
Couldn’t agree more here. Giving thanks is great. Both the giver and receiver feel good about the exchange. It is an important part it business, as well. It is a key component it building AND maintaining relationships!
We should all do it a bit more
Brock, aloha. You’re absolutely right; it is a key component in building and maintaining relationships of any type.
Thx so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Enjoy a fantastic weekend. Aloha. Janet
You KNOW I always say thank you because I am very thankful for everything people do for me. I just feel so blessed.
I also use to be one of those people who said, “that’s okay, it was nothing”. I’m one of those people who loves to give but isn’t good at accepting things in return. I only learned later in life that you need to appreciate any help people give you and accept it givingly.
It was also very hard for me to accept compliments and gifts throughout my life. I don’t know why I have always felt so uncomfortable receiving these. But once again, I have finally broken through and learned that these people enjoy doing these things so I should just be grateful that they wanted to and accept it with open and loving arms. Now I do and it gets easier with each passing day.
Those two little words, thank you, mean so much to others. Say it often and mean it and you will see things start happening for you. It’s a beautiful thing when you give from the heart.
Janet, you know me.. I can go off on a tangent and get long-winded.. But you just have a way of always saying the right thing at the right time.. Or maybe I just happen to know where to look when I need that special something!
Well…
The biggest thing for me here is about being gracious when accepting thanks. I’ve had to stop myself when saying “no problem”.. It’s a knee-jerk reaction.. So now, at least 50% of the time (it’s an ongoing project) I make sure I thank in return or use one of the genuine responses you provided.
It’s always beautiful when someone tells you something as simple as, “I am here for you.” I share this little story often but, when I was first getting to know Dino Dogan, we really hit it off.. And he concluded our little Skype chat with that very line.
It felt so sincere and whole-hearted that I was touched. I know that there’s an open door there and what that does for me is it makes me value his friendship more. I know not to take advantage of that kind act of offering oneself up.
This here is at the heart of what I want to do in all my endeavors.. I want to create communities based on gratitude, sharing, and caring. We’re on a bit of a similar wavelength here, Janet.. Now we’re transmitting our thoughts to each other, much like I have been doing with Christian Hollingsworth and Laurinda Shaver.
Another brilliant, uplifting post.. Thank you, Janet! (((HUGS)))